7 Steps to Self-Compassion
Recently Tigre said ‘someone said I need to learn self-compassion’. My initial inner auto-response was, don’t be ridiculous, you are progressing just fine.
Compassion involves “feeling for another” and is a precursor to empathy, the “feeling as another” capacity (as opposed to sympathy, the “feeling towards another”). In common parlance, active compassion is the desire to alleviate another’s suffering.[1]
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion
For me it comes under the core-emotional category, over the past few years I have realised that I must spend quite time with myself and processing my emotions. If I delay them then the underlying currents become stronger and stronger over the weeks and months.
It's Okay. Remember, It Takes Time to Learn a New Skill
Observe: What’s Going On?
What emotion are you feeling. Am I eating properly, am I dehydrated. Or is there an underlying anxiety or stress building up that is beyond my control which I have to acknowledge and accept.
Orient: Quick Feelings Check-In
Now that the basics have be taken care of. Is there someone I can call? who would be able to help me talk through things. If there is a resistance, or a fear stopping me from doing that. It’s okay, how about if I were to call him then what would I say and what would he reply? Now think about how that would help to release and reset in reality. Soothe those feelings.
Decide: Self-Compassion Options
If you are unable to make the call for whatever reason, it’s okay and you know that. What can I do right now to make myself feel better? Do I need to take a 5 minute break from the screen? Do I need to go for a walk or do some quick breath-work to reset my stress breathing? Just doing nothing is also an option.
Act: What Can I Do Right Now?
When I get overwhelmed I find myself either being in the future (anxiety) or living in the past (depression). The “Right Now” part of this sentence helps me reset the time horizon to the more immediate time frame and in turn I can separate the noise from reality.
Schedule Weekly Self-Compassion Time Slots
If I say to myself I must fix xy feeling it always doesn’t work, the task completion pressures layered on tend to leave me in a false ‘I fixed it state’ or ‘I’m so stupid I can’t’. Which leads to things building up and resurfacing a few days later.
Allocating time blocks allows me to work though things in a more constructive manner. I have now accepted that things take time, especially with my emotions. Giving myself even 30 minutes quite time allows me to reorder my thoughts and process my feelings.
If I find I don’t have time right now, I simply schedule it into my calendar. This was when my 30 minutes are over I know I haven’t ignored myself which leads to frustration.
21 Day Feelings Reassessment
I found that the 21 day timeline works best for me. It allows me to compare last week with this week and make adjustments for next week. As mentioned above, thinking too far back or ahead just adds too much drama for me.
One Week at a Time Maintenance Mode
Add to weekly habits schedule, over time with more weekly data we are able to shift from emergency mode to maintenance mode.